November 2, 2017

Dearest boy in green shirt

Yes, you were just a boy when our story began 5 years ago: November 2, 2012. You were an aspiring medical professional with an advocacy to change the world.

I just came home from work: tired, sleepless and still in disbelief of what happened yesterday. We were wise enough to know that staying just for the number of years would just be so wrong, so we both chose to end this.

Speechless. That was what we were between 2 and 5:15 p.m. yesterday as we try to figure out what went wrong along the way. I was just silent then, crying every time, but I was recalling the times that we've spent together. Here are some, just so you may, too, remember:
-- We VGH'd and went to CCP like it was, I think, our first date;
-- Way over Beulah Lan - our tradition of watching the annual choral competition of your alma mater;
-- Played India Arie's Wonderful during our long trip from Puerto Galera, your first blue beach;
-- When we celebrated a nice and cozy sunset at Diniwid in Boracay;
-- The deep blue sea of Panglao Island in Bohol;
-- Camping at Potipot and Magalawa;
-- Your very first a Venetto experience after getting the result of your NMAT;
-- A bento meal lunch date at Intramuros;
-- Your world's best sopas and sinigang. I'll miss this. Sobra;
-- Game of Thrones. How to get away with murder and Pokemon;
-- Pampanga. You will always remind of everything about Pampanga;
-- Casa Adelina. I really wish this time never ended. Really.

Although this broke me into pieces, I would like to believe that this is for the best; that this is part of a lesson we have to learn in life. That this decision will, in turn, lead you to that ultimate happiness that you're yearning for.

So dearest boy in green shirt, I would like to:

First, apologize. For the times that I did not meet your expectations and the times that I made you feel unhappy.

And say thank you. For the happiness you've filled my heart with throughout our 4 years and 11 months of being together. You changed my world by choosing to spend those years with me. And although not forever, I would say it was still a good love story. Yes.

You are a beautiful soul, beb. No matter how badly we ended, I will always believe that you are still a good person. I want you to know that you are loved and that I do not hate you. You will always have a special place in my heart no matter if we talk again in the future or not.

Thanks for the memories, beb! Pero puta, I'd kill just to hug you, give you a kiss and greet you a happy 5th anniversary right now. I wish we'd go out and celebrate, eat a nice and cozy lunch before I face another stressful moment at work tonight. I wish we'd hold hands sa car. I wish you'd tell me how your orientation today has been.


May 22, 2017


I was wondering what has changed since then. I was looking back at our photos and found that in a span of four years, things really has changed - at least, physically. My hairline already receded and my once curly hair went thin. As I aged, I also added fat around my chest and belly so I would no longer be categorized twink. But damn, I still look good! Haha.

Now look at you, you earned your adipose tissues, too! And the lines around your eyes started appearing. Signs of aging? Sure, but also maybe because of your busy life or your extracurricular activities. I don't know. Well, who cares. What matters is I know that in my heart, all that I'm seeing is the 20 year-old you. You still are the person I fell in love with. You are still the person who wore that green shirt, the smart newcomer who's always aiming for greatness in everything you do.

So after what I learned about today, I was left with just one word: "Why?"

Oh well. It had to happen, says the Universe. I guess I just have to stop here and just give Lady Gaga the credit she deserves.

"It wasn't love. It was a perfect illusion."