January 5, 2010


So today, Ampatuan was found not guilty of the murder that took place in Maguindanao. Now who cares, right? Haha. I do. That's one big scandal. Philippines is indeed ruled by crazy men. So unbelievable.

Anyway, here goes my next entry. This is about me, how I really feel inside. I just wanted to vent things out believing that it could at least ease the pain. Ewan ko ba (and my bestfriend Jace knows everything about this).

Listening to Tamia's Almost song, I feel so heartbroken. The song is my song. That's how I feel now. Especially the lyrics in the chorus:

"I miss the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there
I miss the times that we used to kiss
At least in my dreams just let me take my time and reminisce
I miss the times that we never had
What happen to us, we were almost there
Who ever said it’s impossible to miss
What you never had, never almost had you."

They say that the things that are most unforgettable are those that you never had. True. I had a someone I like so much before, like I did almost everything. And poof, after 2 days, gone.

Now there is this someone that I consider so special. From the first time we met, I felt something. Natatae ako. It's a sign, magiging mahalaga to sa akin.

So we've been text mates. Sometimes, I feel so special with the text messages I'm receiving from that person. Most of the times, not. Haha. Now how ugly would you feel if the whole day on your birthday, he forgot to greet you? And when you're in the verge of depression kasi aalis ka na ng bansa to work abroad, parang wala lang sa kanya? Hay.

I watched the movie "He's just not that into you." I remember one statement there that "If a guy is not calling you for so long, he's just not that into you."

Alam ko naman yun e. Niloloko ko lang yung sarili kong di ko alam. Still hoping na at the end, I'll get a positive response.

I keep on gathering reason not to let go. Pero now, everything's silent. Everything's stagnant. We're not moving. Ay mali, I'm moving away pala. Ayoko man pero, ano gagawin ko?

Minsan pag naiisip ko sya, nasasaktan ako. Kasi I'm thinking, was it worth the sacrifices I did? I remember having to work straight 7 days para lang makasama sya on a saturday night gimik. And at the end, di pala tuloy. Haha.

I was thinking if I was just torpe kasi di ko naman talaga sinasabi sa kanya e. But my actions were loud enough. I don't think clueless parin sya after everything I've done.

Now, I felt rejected. For days, I get no text, no hi's and hellos. Why? Masama ba akong tao? Naging masama ba ako sayo?

With the silence that I am now in, I am on the verge of breaking down. Ayokong mang mag-let go, pero may option ba talaga ako? This isn't normal anymore.

If this isn't love, eh ano to? I wish you know for 5 months sayo umikot mundo ko.

I thought the song that you sent me: There for you by Dontae and Atozzio is mine. Di pala. Haha, ang galing kong mag-feeling. I was so gago.

I wish I could tell you how I'm feeling. Rocket :[

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